The Mattress Strikes Back
Friday 14 July 2006, 16:20 pm
Filed under: Lingerie, Mantle Rookie Card, The New Yorker

I hate to complain. But:

Again with the popcorn.

I hate being covered with salt and unpopped kernels. It’s very uncomfortable. I don’t see how you can stand it. This is your bedroom. This is not Yankee Stadium.

And when is someone going to clean up underneath me? That pile of lingerie has gotten pretty annoying. Don’t your friends know enough to clean up after themselves? And I think there’s a Mantle rookie card under me, too.

I’d also appreciate it if you would move all those baseball books off of me. I’m getting smothered by that ESPN Baseball Encyclopedia, the Baseball Prospectus, and all those Bill James tomes.

You can leave the New Yorkers. I enjoy leafing through them when you’re not home. I particularly like the cartoons. Here are some of my favorites.

[Registration on required. It’s free and I promise you it will be well worth it.]


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