Monday 17 July 2006, 21:45 pm
Filed under: Keith Olbermann, Naked, Whee!, YouTube

WOW! What a fun weekend!

I love being Keith Olbermann’s mattress!!!

This is even better than my previous life as a Coney Island rollercoaster!

But you know this last one stole a pillowcase. She wanted a tie, but the closet door didn’t let her get in there.

Why do you get these Cargo Cult types? What do they do with all the stuff they take out of here? Build a Keith Shrine that they can genuflect before? Sell it on eBay? Golly-gee-whiz, who would do something like that?

Oh, well. At least she didn’t sweat that much. And she didn’t seem like one of the Scalp Collector types: “A nice roll-in-the-hay with Olbermann, cross him off the list, and then run off to nail Geraldo.”

One word for those:


You should give some thought to installing a metal detector outside the bedroom door. She brought a cell phone in here and called a friend when you went back to the kitchen to get more wine. The friend told her to use the phone to take some photos or videos. You’re lucky the bedspread swallowed it so she couldn’t reach it when things got hot and heavy. What? Like you want to show up naked on YouTube?

And she wasn’t at all happy about having to go to the Yankee game with you yesterday afternoon. “How the f*** am I supposed to know what the infield fly rule is???” she asked no one in particular. The table lamp was going to respond, but I told him I didn’t think she was a keeper, and so to save his breath.

She also mumbled something about ” … f***ing stupid probablity graph!” You didn’t bring up Appelman’s All-Star game analysis, did you? I keep telling you: Probability and statistics are definite off-limit topics for a first date. Anything related to math, actually. You always lose them when you start talking OBP, OBS, and RBI. Of course, she thought you were a wonderful feminist when you mentioned Farnsworth’s ERA.

Oh. And she thinks Geraldo is related to Mariano.

Oops. Gotta run. Just got an email from O’Reilly’s mattress. Sounds like it was another quiet weekend in The No Spin-or-Thrills-in-Bed Zone.


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