Is that a Bunch of Edamame in Your Pocket, or are You Just Happy to See Me?

Cristiane writes: “If you could, Mattress, maybe you could get KO’s Closet to ingest those voluminous khakis and white shoes that KO wore on Craig Ferguson’s show, with perhaps a discreet burp, leaving only buttons behind?”

We here in KeithVille are touched by his fans’ concern with his appearance and personal grooming habits. But it seems that everyone has missed the point regarding what has rapidly become known as the “White Pants Fiasco” on Craig Ferguson’s show last Friday.

Keith’s agent, Jean Sage, has secured an endorsement deal for him with the American Soybean Association. As part of the agreement and to increase the National Soybean Awareness Factor (NSAF) Keith will, on occasion, dress as a soybean product. Those who are familiar with the nutritious and highly proteinaceous legume instantly recognized “L’Aura Tofu” (accessorized with black bean sauce) modeled by Keith on last week’s “Late, Late Show.”

Tofu + lkk-blackbeansauce.jpg =


2006 Tofu Man of the Year

“Tofu with Black Bean Sauce and a side of Haggis”

In the near future Tofu Keith will appear as Smoked Tofu Paella and Tofu Quiche.

Keith’s ASA contract has been beneficial to all parties, although he has balked at appearing as Soybean Falafel. The ASA is attempting to sign Bill O’Reilly for those commercial spots.

Fans concerned with a possible conflict between the ASA deal and Keith’s Creamsicle endorsement with the Popsicle brand (a subsidiary of Unilever US, Inc.) need not worry. His legal team, headed by Bombastic Bushkin, have all the necessary details ironed out.

Keithsicle Creamsicle

Mr. Bushkin continues to pursue other endorsement opportunities for Keith, including Dairy Queen and Jet Puffed Marshamallows.

[Two items of possible interest: Store Wars and Paradise Sold. Just because you buy it at Whole Foods doesn’t mean it’s good for you.]


5 Comments so far
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Drat! So that whole ensemble was about pushing soy products? And here I had told all my friends in Ohio that Keith was actually promoting my hometown by at least attempting to wear a “Partial Cleveland.” (I couldn’t tell whether he was wearing a white belt or not, that would have been the “Full Cleveland.”) I am so disappointed!

I do not want, however, my disappointment to cause me to forget to tell you how much I enjoy your blog, O Innerspringed One. In fact, I like it so much, I came up with a little jingle in your honor, to the tune of the Oscar Mayer Weiner Song:

“Oh I wish I was Keith Olbermann’s Mattress,
That is what I truly want to be-e-e,
For if I were Keith Olbermann’s Mattress,
Keith would always be lying on top of me.”

Do you like it? I hope you like it.

Hugs & Kisses,

Comment by BuckeyeGal

So, you’re saying that the pants were actually made of tofu? That explains a lot. And it will make it much easier for the Closet to digest them.

Comment by Cristiane

In some northern Ohio neighborhoods a full or half Parma has long depended on whether a bright white clip-on tie is worn with the matching belt and shoes, but always with a short-sleeved shirt and leisure suit. I’m seeing the white shoes and pants with contrasting blazer as a long overdue 21st century update, belt and tie optional. Maybe Keith’s been shopping at Winfred-Lauder’s. MMM…Add a kielbasa and kraut appetizer to that tofu and hagis feast.

Comment by rrgirl

Rrgirl may be right. Now all we need to know is, if Keith has a window box at his apartment, does he have a pink plastic flamingo in it?

I guess if he’d dropped trou on Craig’s show, it would have been a case of “Moon over Parma tonight.”

(I can hear Keith now: “Dropped trou? No way! Believe me, there would have been so much ‘moonlight,’ you’d all have gone blind.”)

Comment by BuckeyeGal

Hi, this is to notify you of a broken link in this post.

Here’s the link:Tofu Quiche from the 3rd line below the pictures. And here’s the correct url:

I hope you’ll be able to change it because I keep getting error messages from Google Webmaster Tools!

Comment by Judith Kingsbury (@savvyveg)

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