Speaking in Toast
Thursday 30 November 2006, 18:51 pm
Filed under: Philosophy, Things To Do with Your Toaster, Tofu

rrgirl flatters with:


sometimes you are so articulate and witty, we forget that you also have a full time job other than this blog.
is this toast stunt just a crumby quilt?

Well, gosh-gee-whiz. Thanks.

Things do quiet down some when Bwana is out-of-town. (Although I have been a bit busy this week rustling up cows to help us with Bwana’s contract negotiations.) Toaster has a tendency to fret when Bwana is not home, but he’s been occupied with composing his Christmas List. No worries that he will slip away and go searching for Bwana, but we do keep an eye on him.

The Bounty o’ Toast was produced in an elegant experiment:

My name is Ewan Loughlin and this is my story of how I tried to prove the existence of God and the little baby Jesus using toast.

For some reason God and baby Jesus chose to not contact Ewan through toast. Maybe if Ewan uses tofu then Buddha will send a message ….

Fried tofu with lemon grass

Hey, I think I see the Virgin Mary in that piece on the right!


For Your Consideration …
Thursday 30 November 2006, 00:16 am
Filed under: The Department of Moo

Bwana is still peeved that Derek Jeter wasn’t voted the American League’s Most Valuable Player. So are we.

We think that if Mr. Steinbrenner had sat with a milk cow at Columbus Circle, like Mr. Lynch did in Los Angeles for Laura Dern, it would have garnered Derek some positive vibes and won him the award.

We like the Cow Strategy. We like it a lot. We’re planning to sit with a bunch of cows at 30 Rockefeller Center and help Bwana get a better contract with MSNBC.

shorthorn.jpg  Milking Shorthorn
jersey.jpg  Jersey
holstein.jpg  Holstein
guernsey.jpg  Guernsey
brown-swiss.jpg  Brown Swiss
ayrshire.jpg  Ayrshire
toaster-right.jpg  Toaster

Of course, if another network wants to talk with Bwana they’re going to have to come up with a boatload of simoleons. The Boston Red Sox coughed up $51.1 million just to talk with 松坂 大輔. We think Bwana is worth at least twice that.

Toaster Walk with Me
Wednesday 29 November 2006, 18:59 pm
Filed under: Damn Fine Cup of Coffee

Blue Velvet contributes:

Sorry. I KNEW I remembered a toaster in relation to David Lynch:

“He puts a piece of bread into the toaster and pushes the toaster “on.” As the toaster heats up a strange electrical disturbance starts in Ronnie’s chest and soon he is emitting through his mouth a high pitched electrical scream. The toast blows out of the toaster scorched black and burning. Deborah screams. Smoke begins filling the room. Bob and Dan rush Ronnie into the living room. His little eyes are rolled back. Bob and Dan begin looking at various components of the chest-appliances.”

From David Lynch’s screenplay “Ronnie Rocket, or The Absurd Mystery of The Strange Forces of Existence”

Blue, you are a film savant!

But I can’t let Toaster read that screenplay. It would definitely scare him.

Bwana should ask Mr. Lynch to produce and direct “Countdown.” We think that would be great. “Oddball” would get odder. A lot odder.

If Mr. Lynch comes on board then we could get Angelo Badalamenti to write music for “Countdown.” Toaster likes his music. Maybe he’ll write something that Toaster can dance to. Toaster likes dancing.

Weird Little Toaster
Monday 27 November 2006, 21:52 pm
Filed under: Things To Do with Your Toaster


We need to see if these nice people will help us make enough toast so that we can do a Script Keith Olbermann.


Just look at all that toast! Maybe we could do Script Keith Theodore Olbermann!

(We could have the toast march around and spell it out on the field at Giants Stadium. The way the Giants and Jets are playing this season, it’s not like they’re going to need the place for the playoffs.)

This project may also yield the additional benefit of finding a special message from God or baby Jesus imprinted on a slice of toast. They didn’t send a message to Ewan, but God and Buddha have both emailed Bwana. So maybe Our Happy Home has an in with major religious figures.

Giving of Thanks
Saturday 25 November 2006, 18:39 pm
Filed under: Our Happie Home

Cristiane writes:

Happy Thanksgiving to all of your happy little family!

Thank you for the kind greeting. We hope you had a swell Thanksgiving.

We watched the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade, as usual. The weather wasn’t great, but we’re glad the balloons got to fly. A Toaster balloon would, we think, look marvelous sailing down Broadway. I wonder if Bwana knows anyone at Macy’s who could make that happen.

After the parade we watched the National Dog Show on tv. That was fun. We kept waiting to see Busy Bee but they must have left him back at the hotel. A toy poodle named Vikki won Best in Show. We were cheering for the Rastafarian doggie.

When the dog show was over Candelabra and I wanted to watch a football game, but the Piggie Movie came on and Toaster insisted that we all watch it so that’s what we did. Which was fine for everyone. It is a tale about an unprejudiced heart, and a good movie to see on Thanksgiving.

Or any day.

Heritage Toaster
Wednesday 22 November 2006, 19:00 pm
Filed under: Our Happie Home

Blue Velvet contributes:

The History of the Toaster:


We feel it’s very important for Toaster to learn about and appreciate his heritage.

To that end, we’re thinking that this would be a good Christmas present for him:

They have a lot of nifty stuff at the Classic Toaster Shop.

No neckties, though. What are we going to get Bwana for Christmas?

Countdown to Christmas

Hall of Fame
Wednesday 22 November 2006, 16:20 pm
Filed under: The Department of Laurels

Blue Velvet makes a genealogical contribution:

Your Cousin (?) Easy-Bake now has a permanent home:

(Not sure of the lineage here…)


This is right up there with Bwana’s Edward R. Murrow Award!


Click the oven, eh. (.ram file)