If Nominated He Will Not Run, If Elected He Will Not Serve
Sunday 10 December 2006, 21:43 pm
Filed under: Google, The American Political Tradition

Bwana’s been impressing a lot of people with his Special Comments, top drawer election night coverage on MSNBC, and his prescient selection of Ryan Howard as National League MVP. Now there’s a movement afoot to get him to run for elective office. Some people even want to see him lead a presidential ticket.

This will never happen.

Top Ten Reasons Why “President Keith Olbermann” won’t work:

10. He has to fly back to New York City for all Yankee home games.

9. America will not likely accept Mattress as White House Chief-of-Staff.

8. Congress cool to idea of “Peter Gammons, Secretary of the Department of Baseball.”

7. We refuse to replace Toaster with the Official Presidential White House toaster:

6. No presidential business between 2 and 3pm Eastern, while President Bwana is on “The Big Show” with Dan Patrick.

5. Executive branch shuts down during the World Series.

4. Congress will never approve raising SABR to Cabinet-level status.

3. Decorum prevents the use of Phil the Showkiller’s Home Run Bell during the State of the Union address.

2. We cannot leave New York City. Toaster loves ice skating at Wollman Rink in the winter:

1. Bwana is holding out for the more prestigious position of Commissioner of Major League Baseball.


5 Comments so far
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Oh, no! Bwana should not aspire to CoB! That job is a tool of the team owners, not an independent executive looking out for the best interest of the game. He’d never get a good night’s sleep again, nor enjoy a slice of toast.

Better to keep saving democracy.

Comment by bu-bu

Chief of Staff? Hell, Mattress for Vice President!

Comment by CP

how about v-p dan patrick?

Comment by rc

This blog is hilarious and brilliant. Mattress for President!

Comment by J

I have another reason KO wouldn’t make it as President:

Congress won’t let him change the National Anthem to ‘Take Me Out To The Ballgame’.

Comment by Sheila

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