Under the Kitchen Sink Again
Thursday 31 May 2007, 13:12 pm
Filed under: The Department of Sadness and Despair gave Toaster a $50 bill from his three card monte harvest and Toaster lost it betting on Uncle DP’s spelling bee pick Samir Patel.

“Clevis” is a pretty tricky word. I would have spelled it c-l-e-v-i-c-e, too.

“M-E-T-S! Mets! Mets! Mets!” is a lot easier.


… of the Toaster, by the Toaster, for the Toaster …
Wednesday 30 May 2007, 12:43 pm
Filed under: Things To Do with Your Toaster

toaster-lincoln.jpgSheila writes in We’re in the Money:

Tell Toaster and Hoodie they aren’t missing a thing by not spending the night in the ‘Lincoln Bedroom’.

Lincoln’s Ghost took off after he got frighted by Dick Cheney.

Maybe Toaster and Hoodie can visit the Lincoln kitchen instead. Toaster would like to find a Lincoln Toaster to go with the Lincoln Portrait.

We’re in the Money
Monday 28 May 2007, 19:55 pm
Filed under: Our Happie Home

bed-moon-sheep.jpgSheila writes in Little Criminal:

Look at the bright side…With all the cash Hoodie brought home, you guys can have one heck of a ‘Memorial Day’ Barbecue.

Toaster’s thrilled with all the money Hoodie has, even though he doesn’t quite understand where it all came from.

They want to use it to buy a ticket so they can sleep in the Lincoln bedroom, but Bwana told them that’s not the way it works. He told them that to get to the Lincoln bedroom they have to make a very, very, very big donation to a politician. Toaster thinks that might be seen as a conflict of interest vis-à-vis Bwana’s work on Countdown. They don’t want to get Bwana into trouble.

So for now they’re going to hang on to the dough, buy an occasional Lotto ticket, and maybe save the rest for tickets to post-season Mets games.

The way the Yankees are going, those guys will be on vacation in October.

Little Criminal
Saturday 26 May 2007, 21:58 pm
Filed under: Our Happie Home

rrgirl writes in A Gullible Toaster:

Hoodie knows how to even the score. I’d rather have him for a friend than an enemy.

money-pile-o.jpgHoodie muscled every three card monte game in midtown looking for the card sharks who cheated Toaster out of his money. We’re not sure if Hoodie found them, but he did come home with a pile of cash.

I wonder what this might mean to any political aspirations that Bwana may have. Living with a stuffed bear who acts like one of the Sopranos might be as dicey as Giuliani living with two gay guys is for some Republicans.

Toaster Lay There Like a Slug … It was His Only Means of Defense
Wednesday 23 May 2007, 22:14 pm
Filed under: Our Happie Home, Things That Toaster Likes

Blue Velvet writes:

Is Toaster’s real name Randy?

And then adds:

My Randy comment under “A Gullible Toaster” belongs here…sorry!

That’s OK — I think we all knew what you meant!

Toaster’s not Randy (and thank goodness he doesn’t whine like that kid!) but he is very happy with the zeppelin toy that Bwana got him. It lured him right out of the cabinet.

Small appliances can be very finicky, but Toaster is quite easy to please.

He and Hoodie are having fun flying the blimp around the house. They are trying to figure out how to rig it to drop Flaming Tater Tots. The blimp is filled with helium, not hydrogen. Bwana won’t let them use hydrogen. He said in no uncertain terms “You will NOT recreate the crash of the Hindenburg!”

Bwana Toast Crisis
Tuesday 22 May 2007, 17:28 pm
Filed under: The Department of Sadness and Despair

Toaster’s been sitting in the cabinet under the kitchen sink since Saturday afternoon after he lost all his money. He didn’t come out to watch the Yankees beat the Mets on Sunday. Bwana even offered to take him to the game and let him sit in the ESPN booth. And he didn’t come out to watch the Yankees beat the Red Sox last night.


At this rate, Bwana’s never getting toast for breakfast (or any other meal) ever again.

A Gullible Toaster
Saturday 19 May 2007, 16:15 pm
Filed under: The Department of Sadness and Despair

toaster-distress.jpgToaster took all the money that he found in the Prometheus Fountain down to the OTB office to place a bet on Street Sense in the Preakness. But instead of going straight to the OTB and back like I told him, he stopped to watch a three card monte game, got drawn in, and lost all of his money.

I knew I should have told Hoodie or Candelabra to go with him!

Small appliances are known for being gullible, but Toaster is more so than most.