Palaver Deficiency
Monday 30 June 2008, 23:20 pm
Filed under: Things That Toaster Thinks About

Toaster is very upset that Palaver has shut down.

They were patiently waiting for Bwana to rejoin Uncle Dan on the radio show, but Bwana says he is too busy saving the democracy to spend time on sports shows. Toaster thinks Bwana is just being lazy.

Maybe he will have some free time after the election in November. We can only hope.

Toaster thinks Uncle Dan’s show is OK, but it would be better with Bwana.

Toaster also thinks that Uncle Dan should give away more interesting prizes in his Dan Nation. Sure, all-expenses-paid trips to the Super Bowl or the World Series or the British Open are swell. But how about something practical, like a small appliance? A lot of Uncle Dan’s listeners would benefit from the joy of winning a blender or an iron.

Or a toaster.


Subway Toaster, part deux
Friday 27 June 2008, 10:10 am
Filed under: Let's Go Mets!

Toaster is all ready for Subway Series, part deux.

There’s a doubleheader today, with the day game at Yankee Stadium to make up for the rain out of the game in May. Toaster is going to use Bwana’s season tickets; Bwana has great seats. Toaster is going to borrow Stewie’s death ray, too. Toaster plans to wear his Mets cap and it’s very dangerous to wear a Mets cap in Yankee Stadium, so he needs to be able to protect himself.

After the first game Toaster is going to walk to Shea Stadium for the second game. It’s about 10 miles. which is pretty far for a small appliance. But it’s for a good cause.

The Pinstriped Jacket
Tuesday 24 June 2008, 18:02 pm
Filed under: Things That Toaster Thinks About

judie4mets writes in The Revenge of the Toaster:

Jerry is very different from Willie and I hope he can get more out of the team. It’s too bad they fired the Jacket because I think he and Jerry would work well together. I’m worried that Jacket will join the Yankees.

If Coach Jacket joined the Yankees then Toaster would cheer for Bwana’s team. Bwana would like that. But Toaster would still cheer for the Mets. Bwana says it it unusual for a fan to root for both teams. Toaster says it is not unusual for small appliances to be ambidextrous.

Toaster thinks Coach Jacket would look nice in pinstripes. But would they make him get a hair cut? He could lose all his magical powers. And the metaphors.

Why Toaster Loves Baseball
Monday 23 June 2008, 22:35 pm
Filed under: The Department of Deep Thoughts

Blue Velvet wrote in To the Barricades!:

In honor of George Carlin, I found kind of a toast-related quote on this site:

Mini Toaster

I tried.

George Carlin was a funny, funny man and we are very saddened with his passing. He really got it right in explaining why Toaster likes baseball so much:

Toaster wants to be safe at home.

To the Barricades!
Sunday 22 June 2008, 11:29 am
Filed under: Our Happie Home, Things That Toaster Thinks About

Those Loyal to the Clintons Take Note of Who Was Not:

Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton was gracious in her full-throated endorsement of Senator Barack Obama. But that does not mean all is forgiven by others in the Clinton universe.

For proof, look no further than Doug Band, chief gatekeeper to former President Bill Clinton.

Mr. Band keeps close track of the past allies and beneficiaries of the Clintons who supported Mr. Obama’s campaign, three Clinton associates and campaign officials said. Indeed, he is widely known as a member of the Clinton inner circle whose memory is particularly acute on the matter of who has been there for the couple — and who has not. …

Mr. Band, who declined to comment, is hardly alone in tallying those considered to have crossed the former candidate or the former president in recent months by supporting Mr. Obama. As the Obama bandwagon has swelled, so have the lists of people Clinton loyalists regard as some variation of “ingrate,” “traitor” or “enemy,” according to the associates and campaign officials, who would speak only on condition of anonymity. …

The news media have already focused on some list entries, including the online gossip purveyor Matt Drudge (who had the nerve to show up at Mrs. Clinton’s departure speech on Saturday), Todd S. Purdum of Vanity Fair (the author of a recent profile of Mr. Clinton) and the cable network MSNBC (whose hosts Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann are charter list members, Clinton associates said).

The Clintons better watch who they attack. Bwana has a lot of friends who will defend him.

(Well, OK, so he has a lot of enemies, too ….)

Toaster is particularly devoted tp Bwana. He will defend Bwana ’til the death! They’ll have to pry the toast from his cold, dead slots!

So there!

The Revenge of the Toaster
Friday 20 June 2008, 13:36 pm
Filed under: Things That Toaster Thinks About

Blue Velvet wrote in Jacket Required:

Uncle Dan talked about this in the 3rd hour of the 6/19/08 show – tell Toaster to remain in the kitchen cabinet:

Manuel goes gangster on Reyes:

  • “I told him next time he does that I’m going to get my blade out and cut him. I’m a gangster. You go gangster on me, I’m going to have to get you. You do that again, I’m going to cut you right on the field,” Manuel told the Daily News.

What in the world is going on with the Mets?

Golly wolly! Jerry sure means business! We like the no-nonsense style, but find it rather odd for a student of Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr. to say such a thing. Maybe Jerry’s been watching “Godfather” dvd’s. If José finds the head of a horse in his bed, then he’ll know he is in big trouble.

(This scene is so ickie that it is not suitable for minors and small appliances.)

Toaster’s feelings are still mighty hurt over the Mets. Mighty hurt. He was planning on going as Coach Jacket this Halloween:

We told him Coach Jacket is a very good coach and will surely get a new jacket soon. But Toaster says it won’t be a Mets jacket, and that it just won’t be the same.

Toaster likes what this guy did: Syosset Mets fans ship chickens to team’s owner:

Five frozen chickens. Signed, sealed and soon to be delivered. They’re yours, Fred Wilpon.

That is the message from some workers at the corporate headquarters for Georgi Vodka in Syosset who packaged up the birds yesterday in a cardboard company box to send them overnight – without ice – to Mets owner Wilpon to protest the firing of manager Willie Randolph.

“The chickens portray [the Mets management] are chickens,” said Martin Silver, president and owner of Georgi Vodka, who organized the mail protest.

Toaster thinks they way Willie, Tom, and Coach Jacket were fired was very lame and very limp. Hence, Toaster is going to FedEx Mr. Wilpon a piece of cold, soggy toast.

That’ll show them!

One should never, ever cross a small appliance. They never, ever forget and they can be quite vindictive.

Jacket Required
Wednesday 18 June 2008, 16:31 pm
Filed under: The Department of Sadness and Despair

judie4mets queries in Karma Bites the Mets:

How is Toaster taking the TUesday Massacre? Has anyone told him?

Oh my goodness.

Toaster is now past the distraught stage and is fully into Devastated Mode.

What a horrible way to get dumped. It’s almost as bad as putting up a Christmas tree with your girlfriend and then having her tell you she would be going to the company Christmas party with someone else.

Coach Jacket was Toaster’s favorite Met. Toaster loved the funny hair-do and the metaphors — even though he didn’t understand a lot of them. Besides, what’s wrong with ketchup on your ice cream?

As soon as Toaster found out the bad news he went to sit under the kitchen cabinet.

We told Bwana to not to expect to get any toast for breakfast for the next few days.

It sure is hard being a Mets fan.