Champ_des_Reves

I don’t know where this would fit on the readiness scale:

If this guy had done the commercial, there’d be a Mr. Microphone in every kitchen in America.

For sheer carnage potential, I think we keep Bass-O-Matic at DefCon1. But we will incorporate Mr. Microphone into our Psychological Operations.

Candelabra says the best man to assign to Mr. Microphone duty is this guy:

I hate to admit it, but Candelabra is right. Everytime I hear Lesko on the local ESPN Radio station I want to shoot myself in the head.

But then I remember that I am a mattress and that I don’t have a head.

The Art of War

VI:12. If we do not wish to fight, we can prevent
the enemy from engaging us even though the lines
of our encampment be merely traced out on the ground.
All we need do is to throw something odd and unaccountable in his way.

Dearest Mattress,

I have just heard about the terrible fright Bwana was put through at his home. I hope you, Toaster and the rest of his friends are all right and have not suffered any excessive anxieties over this, although I worry considerably about Mailbox. Is he OK?

Best to all of you…

Many thanks for your concern. Everyone is fine. Toaster was, of course, scared out of his wits, especially when Bwana had to go to the hospital for such a long time. Mailbox is all right, though a bit worse for wear after going through HazMat decontamination.

All praise New York City’s Finest, as well as the city’s domestic anti-terrorism efforts.

It is, of course, disturbing that our Happy Homeland Security plans contained such a glaring fault. No one thought of the mail as a danger. We clearly need to review the classic war manuals and rethink our strategy:

Principles of War
The Art of War

It was a frightening situation, but think of what could have happened if the threat had been real. Postal workers across the country could have been endangered, as well as the good people who live in this building, and anyone who had the bad luck to have his or her mail cross paths with a poisoned letter to Bwana.

But the fool in his mischief forgets
And he lights the fire
Wherein one day he must burn.

I guess Bwana’s commentaries are striking a nerve. I’m only a mattress, but doesn’t freedom of speech still exist in this country? This is America, isn’t it?

It’s Banned Books Week. Perhaps someone wants to extend that to include Ban Bwana Week.

We’re just going to have to hunker down here at Chez Olbermann. There is no way that he will not speak out. Someone has to.

Attributed to Martin Niemöller:

Als die Nazis die Kommunisten holten,
habe ich geschwiegen;
ich war ja kein Kommunist.

Als sie die Sozialdemokraten einsperrten,
habe ich geschwiegen;
ich war ja kein Sozialdemokrat.

Als sie die Gewerkschafter holten,
habe ich nicht protestiert;
ich war ja kein Gewerkschafter.

Als sie mich holten,
gab es keinen mehr, der protestieren konnte.

Translation:

When the Nazis came for the communists,
I remained silent;
I was not a communist.

When they locked up the social democrats,
I remained silent;
I was not a social democrat.

When they came for the trade unionists,
I did not speak out;
I was not a trade unionist.

When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out.