Saturday 30 September 2006, 17:39 pm
Filed under: Our Happie Home

Blue Velvet writes:

I don’t know where this would fit on the readiness scale:

If this guy had done the commercial, there’d be a Mr. Microphone in every kitchen in America.

For sheer carnage potential, I think we keep Bass-O-Matic at DefCon1. But we will incorporate Mr. Microphone into our Psychological Operations.

Candelabra says the best man to assign to Mr. Microphone duty is this guy:

I hate to admit it, but Candelabra is right. Everytime I hear Lesko on the local ESPN Radio station I want to shoot myself in the head.

But then I remember that I am a mattress and that I don’t have a head.

The Art of War

VI:12. If we do not wish to fight, we can prevent
the enemy from engaging us even though the lines
of our encampment be merely traced out on the ground.
All we need do is to throw something odd and unaccountable in his way.


Personal Grooming
Friday 29 September 2006, 20:27 pm
Filed under: Fashion and Style, Tofu

rrgirl writes:

May time bless Mailbox with a beautifully restored patina.

Rub, rub here,
Rub, rub there
Whether you’re tin or brahss …
That’s how we keep you in repair
In the Merry Old Land of Oz …


Notre Famille
Friday 29 September 2006, 20:26 pm
Filed under: Chez Olbermann

Cristiane queries:
Are Toaster and Mailbox related? They seem to share a certain family resemblance.


They’re cousins.

Glad to hear the whole troupe is fine after such a scary ordeal. Consider this a hug for everyone. Sadly, even moats can’t keep out nasty powdery substances sent by vicious nutters.

And the sting rays are absolutely devastated that their plans were so easily foiled.

The Bible and Randy Newman
Friday 29 September 2006, 20:25 pm
Filed under: God's Love

Blue Velvet writes:

Here’s what I hope the FBI is going to be able to do for Bwana (metaphorically speaking, of course):

I think Bwana would be proud of my pop culture reference. Great quote. Love to Toaster, Mailbox, et. al.

We’d watch more “Twilight Zone” around here but it scares the dickens out of Toaster.

Leviticus 19:18

Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.

God’s Song:

And the Lord said …
And the Lord said …

I burn down your cities
How blind you must be
I take from you your children
And you say how blessed are we
You all must be crazy
To put your faith in me
That’s why I love mankind

Argumentum ad Ignorantiam
Friday 29 September 2006, 13:54 pm
Filed under: Twuthiness

T writes in reply to Uh …. Not Cool, Guys

Keith Olbermann is a cocksucker!

If you say so, dude. Just leave Grandma out of it.

Spacemann Keith
Friday 29 September 2006, 00:31 am
Filed under: Bill Lee, Lennie Briscoe, Short People, Theme Song, Who Maketh My Spirit to Shine

A new theme song for Bwana:

You’re supposed to sit on your ass and nod at stupid things
Man, that’s hard to do
And if you don’t, they’ll screw you
And if you do, they’ll screw you, too

When I’m standing in the middle of the diamond all alone
I always play to win
When it comes to skin and bone

And sometimes I say things I shouldn’t
And sometimes I say things I shouldn’t

   (Bill Lee – by Warren Zevon)

All I can find are 30-second samples:

  1. Windows Media Player
  2. RealPlayer

Who is the Spaceman?
Red Sox Nation: If you could have pitched in another era, which would it be?

Bill Lee: For selfish reasons, this one. There’s a lot more money, and I could retire on St. Maartens and swim naked every day. I like to scare the fish.

Kitchen Appliance Defense Conditions
Thursday 28 September 2006, 18:09 pm
Filed under: Not Donald Rumsfeld's Defense Department

Toaster has stepped up our Homeland Security efforts. The entire kitchen has sprung into action.

DEFCONs are phased increases in combat readiness.

George Foreman Grill

Peacetime; Increased intelligence; Strengthened security measures.

Increased force readiness.
Ginsu Knives

Increased force readiness (less than maximum).
The Magic Bullet

Maximum force readiness.